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My Facebook Husband

I recently fell out of bed. I rolled right over the edge flat on my face and flat on my poor, already-wretched knees. After finally recovering from the exquisite pain in said knees, I felt exquisite embarrassment, the kind that could be shared only with close friends. So I posted it on Facebook. I have over 400 close friends.

This was my post:

Someone at my husband’s job scolded him for laughing at me. When he came home that night, he was quite vexed.

“I didn’t laugh at you,” he said, vexed.

“Yes, you did,” I said, squirming.

“No, I was very sympathetic and concerned. I asked how you were.”

Then you laughed. You chuckled? You half-smiled?” 

“No.”

“It makes a better story if you laughed,” I said timidly, defending myself.

“The ‘better story’ makes me sound mean,” my husband said.

Coming October 2010

“I think fiction! I talk fiction! I write fiction!” (like Frankenstein’s Monster). “You knew this when you married me!”

“But now your 400 close friends think that I’m mean.”

“I’ll probably say more stuff like this about you,” I confess in advance. “But it’s okay. I won’t really mean them. It’s just to make me entertaining so more people will read me. It’s just my Facebook husband, not my real husband.”

“I’m still vexed.”

Wait till he sees what my blog husband does.

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7 Responses

  1. Love this, Susan. Did you ever see the episode of Dick Van Dyke where Laura gets p.o.’d at Rob because he uses funny things she does/says as plot points for his funny sketches. Hysterical!

    Since Randy is on FB, I’m forced to stay fairly truthful:>)

    • No, I didn’t see it, Laura. They must have stolen the idea from me in advance. I was once going to use something my son did or said–he was in high school at the time–and he yelled, “You are stealing my life!” So, I was stealing as well as stolen from.

  2. Under the circumstances, do you think you could find me a blog husband? It’s the only kind I’m ever going to get. In return I promise I will post RAVE REVIEWS of all your books everywhere, even in the VERY unlikely event that you ever write something mediocre.

    • Hey, first you wanted a blog Nancy that lived in Rhode Island. Now you want the blog Nancy to have a blog husband? Isn’t that what Sim City is for?

      • See the great trust I place in you? Remember, God said, “It isn’t good for the man to be alone.” He didn’t care beans about the women. (Or else he simply thought, correctly, that women were more capable than men of being alone.) So I’m relying on you to come through for me.

  3. Oh gosh, Susan, I laughed so hard when I read this.

    Hubby surprised me early on when he read one of my blog posts (with me peering over his shoulder) and I said, “I might have embellished the reality just a little bit.”

    And he said, “Perfectly understandable in the name of fiction.”

    And I said, ” But this is a blog post. It’s not fiction.”

    And he said, “The most important thing is to tell a good story. And that’s what you did.”

    Gosh I love that man.

    • My husband did see the FB entry (or maybe he got it only secondhand from his co-worker). He hasn’t read this yet. I told him that he should–that he’s vindicated here. But not yet.

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