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Creepy Crawlies and Me

I like bugs. There is something charmingly alien about them. Not passport alien, of course. Alien alien.

I have more respect for bugs than my husband or my son. I also have more respect than they do for frozen dinners six times a week—but that’s probably another post. However, my respect means that I am the “designated driver” as far as handling all things creepy or crawly. 

My policy is to adhere to the guidelines set down in the 1923 Kill versus Catch and Release Hoboken Accord:  

Paragraph 42. Clause 377k. Kill criteria:

  • Does the bug in question have the capability of doing bodily harm?
  • Is there current, or a future likelihood of, aggression?
  • Is it engaged in nighttime maneuvers on the bedroom ceiling?
  • Did it get a high score on the ick assessment test?
  • Is it likely to multiply, despite individual claims of celibacy?

 Paragraph 42. Clause 377n. Catch and release criteria:

  • Is the bug in question teeny weeny and not a black widow spider?
  • Is it believed to be in danger of extinction?
  • Is it woefully misunderstood by other species?
  • Is it cute, colorful, or even dashing in a rakish kind of way?
  • Is it named Fred?

photo © by Matt Rupp

How will you know if a bug is named Fred?

That’s just one of those great ontological mysteries you’ll have to experience for yourself.

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4 Responses

  1. Susan – Your blog is very entertaining. Hard to tell, when I’m frantically running around at conferences, what a great sense of humor you have.
    On the bugs – here’s another option, and that is the Take Outside Option. I’ve had 2 spiders recently just like the one pictured – pretty big girls and most likely wolf spiders. I place a box or paper cup over the bug, slide a piece of cardboard underneath carefully, (not to de-leg them), and release them outside. Big spiders like that, I kind of toss the whole “release kit” into the wooded area and go retrieve it later. Smaller spiders which may bite in the middle of the night, and to which I have big allergic reactions, I bless them and send them back to their maker.
    Every bug I can release, I do. I think bugs are cool too.
    Jeanne
    (You’d know me if you saw me from the conferences. :o)

    • Jeanne of the adorable pug dogs, I don’t need a conference to know you. (I still haven’t figured out what it was I wanted to say to you.) I take the bugs outside too, especially at work. It’s hard though. As you say, the cup and cardboard can be dangerous for the bugs because of their legs. I do like your idea of throwing the whole thing out and then retrieving the cup later.

      • I’m flattered you remember me, Susan. Thanks! Since we, the attendees, always outnumber you, the professionals, I never assume I would necessarily be remembered via an e-mail or blog comment, but I thank you for that.
        And as we speak, there is a small reddish spider above the tub/shower for a couple days now – haven’t decided what to do with her, so for now we chat at shower time. This year, at the conference, I brought a story called Benny’s Bugs – plus a dummy and illustration. I guess all the little creaures have inspired me. The illustration is here – http://www.jeannebalsam.com/. As you like bus, I suspect you’ll enjoy it.
        Take care! Jeanne

      • I’m flattered you remember me, Susan. Thanks! Since we, the attendees, always outnumber you, the professionals, I never assume I would necessarily be remembered via an e-mail or blog comment, but I thank you for that.
        And as we speak, there is a small reddish spider above the tub/shower for a couple days now – haven’t decided what to do with her, so for now we chat at shower time. This year, at the conference, I brought a story called Benny’s Bugs – plus a dummy and illustration. I guess all the little creatures have inspired me. The illustration is here – http://www.jeannebalsam.com/. As you like bus, I suspect you’ll enjoy it.
        Take care! Jeanne

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