Regrets of 2010

For all of us, the end of 2010 is a time for recollection of the past year’s events before we are dragged kicking and screaming into the New Year. Here are a few of my own thoughts about the old year.

Regrets of 2010

1. Believing horizontal stripes are slimming… Oh… Vertical? Are you sure? … Oh… That explains a lot.

2. Choosing the Pope’s Facebook profile pic. I was only joking. I never thought he’d take me seriously.

3. Being too high-minded to use deceit and extortion to get people to buy Frankenstein’s Monster. Although it’s never too late.

4. Thinking the parrot would not poop on my pants. The big parrot. With the big poops. On my black sweater.

5. Calling fear prudence when it’s just plain fear. But not when drinking from public water fountains, doing your own taxes, and eating vindaloo are concerned.

6. Not being grateful for what I have. Even though, like, seriously, you and I both know it isn’t enough.

7. Turning right instead of left on I 23. You had to be there.

8. Thinking I could escape the Swiss Guard. For guys in pantaloons, they run pretty fast.

9. Not keeping last year’s resolutions to eat right, lose weight, exercise more, cure the common cold, end unemployment, win the gold medal in pole vaulting, solve the energy crisis, reverse the greenhouse effect, save the honeybee, establish peace on earth, conquer alien worlds, and then establish peace there too.

10. Failing to get that chip out of my head… What chip?

A 101 people are going to ask you what your New Year’s Resolutions are. Which is why I’m asking: What are some of your regrets for 2010?

But be discreet. Remember, this is the Web. Your Aunt Agatha, Santa Claus, and prospective employers will see your answers.

Tomorrow: Resolutions for 2011

* * * * *